It’s over, after 17h42 minutes of pure euphoria, I have to say goodbye to everything that has made my day/night one of the best of my life.

 

I’m in peace, I have faced the unknown, I ran until it became a familiarity. I found my mind in an euphoric state throughout the race and my body followed. How can it be?

 

I started with butterflies in my stomach, scarred, tensed. I looked around, everyone looked like professionals, ready to tackle these miles and everything that is coming with them. We are in Chamonix Town Centre, facing the church, it's 4 am.

 

 

I kissed Michael for one last time, we won't see each other until the end. I put my head down, and there we go, up towards the Brevent. The path is lighted by the headlamps of everyone around. We are out of the forest, onto a rock trail “en file indienne”, breathing hard, and afraid to look up to the never ending ascent. Where are you Brevent?

Here comes a snow trail, ice crushing beneath our feet, each breath contained by what's surrounding us. First check point, we are at Le Brevent (2462m) and La Flegere is impatiently awaiting for us down below.  

Ice trail again, before heading down the rocky trail of Plampraz, I’m not moving, I’m holding back, I don’t want to do this anymore. Not because I can’t, not because I feel bad or hurt, just because I suddenly have an urge to fail, a need to prove to myself that I am not worth this trail.




Second Check point, La Flegere, so not into it, I don’t realise I haven’t checked in. I decide to walk, and have a talk with myself. Gosh! Who knew I was going to be such a brat? I look around, people are passing me, a lady moans about people using sticks. I’m now going up towards Tete au Vent. I’m kicking myself, this is silly, I should be running. I’m looking at my watch, it’s all blurry, numbers are not registering. So I keep on walking, taking pictures.

Some cool rocky stairs are in front, some more snow. I am on my butt, sliding fast, no care in the world to look pretty silly as I am passing some people struggling to go down on this snowy part. Someone laugh at me, make a comment in French and there it is: my wakeup call. I’m here. I am now feeling the ground, breathing the air. From an unfamiliar voice I become ME. I decide to follow the voice, it belongs to a Frenchman who talked for the whole descent towards Vallorcine. I don’t talk much, I listen, but wonder how he can talk so much!

Going Up to Col du Passet

First CheckPoint to Vallorcine, I check my watch. Crap! I’m late. I should have been at Col du Passet for 9:30ish. My dear mother-in law is waiting for me. I’m so not even close. I decide to run. I pass by Ninon, a cool lady from Lorraine. We talk until we are almost out of breath going up towards the Col.

Vue from the Col du Passet

 I’m moving as fast as I can but I can’t help to take pictures! The trail is mine, I am the trail. I hear my mother in law voice, I am suddenly on the top of the Col. I apologise, I should have been there sooner, she doesn’t mind and tell me to just carry on and not to worry about it. After making the checkpoint people laugh and a nice cup of Redbush, I carry on to Loriaz (2020m) trying to catch up Ninon.


Arriving at Loriaz, I decided to sit and put a plaster on. I don’t have a blister, but I’m aware that my foot is getting hot on one side. Any excuse to stop and not carry on running after Ninon. I sit there for a while, looking around and talking to tourists passing by, I’m not fussed. The time is ticking but the longer I stay on the trail, the more time I have to enjoy everything. But all good things have an end so I get up and start the descent toward Vallorcine. I’m “flying” and without realising, I caught up with Ninon, so we run/walk/talk toward the checkpoint. It’s a nice flat trail by the river. I decide to stop at that checkpoint and fill myself up with food and drink. But I get ichy feets, I want to carry on and just stay with the trail, so there I am starting the ascent towards the Col des Possettes.
The trail is wonderful, it’s a small forest like, roots are everywhere on the path, I’m happily taking some more pictures, talk to the people around me.




I'm so relax that Ninon is now back at my side, and soon passes me. Waou! She is going up that ascent effortless. Me on the other end, I’m starting to get bored, as we are now on the ski slopes, with no visual stimulation, just ugly rocks, and nothing to let my mind play with. So I decide to not follow the "easy" ski slopes’ path but cut through it, more effort as it's super steep but so much better because I’m playing with my breathing and I no longer look at my watch. I arrive at the checkpoint at the top of the Col. They are saying, it’s going down now. I can’t wait! But Benoit, a guy from Luxembourg is moaning, and my great mood is back, so I decide to stick with him and cheer him up. It’s so much more fun sharing the love of the trail with someone and making sure that they are feeling as good as they can be. We talk/run so nicely that soon enough we arrive at Le Tour, a check point and  we carry on towards Argentiere.

I’m having so much fun, but I lost Benoit so I decide to run after people and talk to them. They are smiling; they don’t understand how I can still be so “fresh”, I don’t know myself and decide not to ask myself why. I’m in the moment. Soon enough we are in Argentiere. It’s supposed to be only a light refreshment station, but there is everything! So I take a soup and a banana and carry on walking as La Trapette is waiting for me! From this part on, it’s a blur, I don’t remember anything beside cheering up Benoit once again and arriving at Les Bois. What happen during these 2 hours are still a mystery, no recollection, not even a picture to say I was there! I must have thou, I’m at Les Bois. I don’t know what happen to Benoit,once again. We keep loosing each other. I look behind, what happen?! I chat with a volunteer who kindly fill my water, I take some chocolate, another banana and with faith, start my ascent towards Le Montenvers.


 At this stage, there is no one around, it’s just me and the trail. I reach what I thought was Montenvers but is in fact Les Mottets with its kind people offering tea with energy drink. I laugh with them a bit, and decide to carry on faster, my mother in law is awaiting for me at Montenvers. I meet a girl from Birmingham, she is “defaite” so I cheer her up as much as I can. I feel bad to feel good when I look at the majority of the runners I pass. Why do I feel so good! Surely I shouldn’t be, what am I doing wrong?! I catch up another Frenchman, among the rocks and the ladders,we have been passing each other for a while now. We talk a bit until Montenvers, I see my mother in law, she waited even thou I told her not too, I’m grateful for her kindness. She said it’s not too far from the end, the people at the checkpoint/aid station say “that is the last ascent, it’s all going down to Chamonix now!” I’m quite happy to go down, so I carry on walking without taking anything, looking forward to the descent to Chamonix. I’m almost there, I can feel the victory to have faced the unknown. But it’s not going down, it’s actually going up to some “Alpage” that no one at this stage of the race gives a toss.


My euphoria has left me, I’m now conscious that the end is not where this guy told me it was, why did I listen?! How can his words have such an impact on my wellbeing ,on how I feel about the trail. I’m getting frustrated so I start running uphill, I catch up with moaning runners, we all saying the same things. I’m thinking about the guy at the aid station, I wonder if he knows that everyone want to turn back and strangle him. We finally arrived at L’Alpage de Blatiere, we just gained another 300m of ascent,... so much for the downhill. The guys at the checkpoint promise us that it is now all downhill.

Thanking them, I can now picture this nice descent to Chamonix back to Michael’s arms!!!
But this is shattered by an ankle drama! Who would have know that literally 5 min later, left ankle decides that it has enough and twists itself ( I probably didn’t help it by trying to run down like a chamoix!).
My nice picture is shattered, my dream of finishing in 17h 00 is falling to pieces. I’m not fussed about the time anymore, but the timing of this drama. It’s the same ankle I twisted in Madeira, but the other side out. A friend will comment later on that it happened to balance it out...right now thou, I am so angry at the rock and the ankle that I can’t digest the fact it happened 5 km before the finish line! But heh! There is no way I am not finishing ! I have been having too much fun for the last 16ish hour!!! I decide to drag that foot for this last downhill. Man! It hurts, tears of frustration and hurt are rolling down my cheeks, faster that I am going down that hill. All of the people I have passed are now passing by, asking if they should call the rescue. No way I say! I’m going down, I’m going to finish! It’s ONLY 5 more kilometres! Frank ( Thank you Frank!) gives me some painkillers, I gratefully take them. Gosh it hurts! Why can I only fly in my head!? I decided to “drag faster” by jumping rocks ( do not try, it’s useless and more painful) it’s not working. I need to distract myself. It’s time to play with the roots and rocks, time to focus on my footing and less on the inability to run. Here...a small downhill field, I am down on my butt, and decide to roll, it’s much faster but it does hurt the butt, Frenchmen are laughing, I join in, might as well enjoy that moment right? I don’t know if it is the effect of the pain killers or the call of the people down below but I find myself dragging less and moving faster. I pass a Frenchman walking, I cheer him up feeling his pain and knowing that just like me, he is not going to give up. I have found my new self again, I’m ecstatic and sad, it’s almost over, I don’t want it to be over, I’m having too much fun. Here comes a root I didn’t see, and it kindly reminds me that I have a twisted ankle and I shouldn’t be having fun. But I can now see the road, the people are cheering in all languages. And the unthinkable happens. I’m sprinting, sprinting to the finish line, the cheers are lifting me up, there is no more pain, the cheers are giving me a strength I never thought I had, I’m now racing, I’m thanking out loud everyone cheering around me. My God this is beautiful, they are clapping like I’m a superstar, it’s crazy and beautiful. I don’t want it to end, I want to keep on running, this is mad! Here comes the finish line, the medal, the bag and the beer. I’m smiling, I just had the best time of my life. I have ran 78km, climb 6044m of ascent, and met the most beautiful people in the world. Each of us have faced our own self and retained a knowledge that only a trail could have given us.

So what did I learn?

I have faced the unknown, I have met a new self each step of the way. I can clearly hear the call of the trail and I can’t help it, it has become a familiarity. I want to trail like I breathe. I want to meet myself again.