Written by Jess Gray - http://tinkstrails.co.uk

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two imposters just the same…  from ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling

My friend Coach Fifty sent me the poem ‘If….’ by Rudyard Kipling the day before the SDW50, and I wholeheartedly believe these words got me through on the day.

Having had a disastrous final three weeks building up to the race with a hamstring niggle, with every passing day I became more despondent. I was beginning to believe I wasn’t actually going to make it to the start line.   On top of that I was really feeling the pressure – seeing my name in the pre-race preview as one to watch, the worry I could ruin other races I had planned, the concerns that I was going to do more damage to my hamstring – all my thoughts were of the worst case scenarios, the ‘what if’s…..’

However, reading this poem made me think of my situation in a different light.  Rather than focusing on all the negatives, I realised that I had a choice (actually if truth be told Coach Fifty told me in no uncertain terms that I had a choice) – I could let this niggle consume me or I could start thinking positively – I could think about the ‘If…’

Getting up at 4.30am on Saturday morning I was determined not to think about the negatives, I was going to enjoy a day running along the South Downs, the chance to catch up with running friends and to generally have some fun, but as I pulled on my big girls’ pants, well tight Lycra shorts – obviously for added hamstring support – I immediately felt a twinge in my lower back but this time on the opposite side, I honestly nearly went straight back to bed!

Come what may Team Gray and I made it to the start at Worthing.  After a seamless kit check and registration process I was treated to an amazing supportive hug from Nici Griffin and a chat with superstar Edwina Sutton, then it was time to catch up with some amazing running friends. And just as the rain and dark clouds started to subside so did the apprehension of my injury woes.

Obligatory pre-race photo

The next big decision was what to wear, as although the rain had stopped there were a few showers forecast for later in the day and I also knew that the exposure on the Downs meant the temperature could change very quickly.  My last minute decision was just to wear my Ashmei merino wool top as I could add a layer if I felt cold later on.

Running through the start gantry I decided at that moment my race plan was to run check point to check point, at least then if I had to drop out there would be an army of the best volunteers to cheer me up and feed me.  As the first few miles ticked by my aim was to take it easy, steadily warming up my hamstring and saving something for the big boy climbs in the later stages of the course.  Although downhills are my favourite – my chance to really fly – today I was being careful not to over stride on these, although with all the wet chalk there were a few hairy moments where I nearly wiped out completely!

The first check point at mile ten arrived in a flash, then just after this refuge there is a long climb up to Truleigh Hill. I was marching up the hill with another runner when Edwina Sutton passed us in the opposite direction, she was out doing some course marking duties, her cheering and support gave me a huge boost.  It was warm on the climb, I’d started to sweat quite heavily, so I knew I had made the right decision just to go with the one layer.

The hamstring had started to mumble at me occasionally, although it was waxing and waning so it wasn’t yet loud enough for me to worry. I felt myself finally starting to relax into my own pace, I was pleased to be at the front of the ladies’ field, although I knew Sarah Sawyer in her awesome form wasn’t that far behind!

Arriving at Devil’s Dyke I received a huge squishy hug from Thea which really spurred me on and before I knew it I was through the next check point making the climb out of Saddlescombe.  The next few miles were a mix of highs and lows both in the landscape and in my mental attitude, the negative thoughts started to force their way in, I started to doubt if I was going to be the runner I wanted to be today.

I saw Team Gray and some other fabulous running friends who were supporting briefly at Ditchling Beacon, although I rudely didn’t hang around, I was keen to keep moving, not to waste precious minutes at crew points.

I knew I had to change my attitude and I had to do it fast, so I thought of the poem.  In my head I started to think…If – If I keep going I will make the next check point –  If I push along this flat bit all will be fine – If I keep going I could win – If I stop now I’ll never know what I could achieve today.

My main aim at this stage was to make it to the Southease check point at mile 32ish.  I knew my fellow running friend Nuala Smyth was volunteering here and seeing her would definitely give me a boost, but I also calculated that here would be a good place to get picked up by Team Gray should I decide to drop.  But when I arrived here, not only was I met with phenomenal support from the volunteers, both Edwina and James were there too!  We had a brief chat, I moaned about my hamstring, however they were both so supportive and full of advice, there was no way in the world I could drop out here, so onwards and upwards it was.

Southease….would have been the perfect point to drop had James and Edwina not been there!

There is a very long steep hike out of Southease, at the top it took a while for my legs to get back into running mode again, but once they were going I felt strong, I was enjoying the views and ignoring the twinges in my butt!  Having recced the route, I knew it wasn’t far until the next check point, so I pushed on with all I had, making the most of the flat and downhills, no longer was I holding back on the descents, instead I was giving it everything I had on my tired legs.

At Alfriston I literally slid down the alleyway to the check point only to be caught by a couple of safe-handed volunteers, who ushered me inside the hall.  I enjoyed some delicious ice-cold watermelon and coke, but before getting too comfortable I was being shoved out the door by the volunteers telling me I had a job to finish, but only after we had a laugh, when some suspicious loud banging alerted everyone to the fact that a fellow male competitor had managed to lock himself in the toilet!

The climb out of Alfriston

The course had been brilliantly marked the whole way (even though I managed one slight detour earlier lured by a downhill path), so the notorious split of the South Downs Way at Alfriston wasn’t a worrying as I imagined it would be.  Although I was now being chased by the runner who’d been locked in the loo, so I got a wiggle on.

At this point it was a relief to know I was going to finish, the hamstring was going to hold out.  I’d been told earlier on that I had bit of a lead on the second place female, however there was still a fair few boys in front of me who I wanted to chase down.

At the Jevington aid station I checked in but decided not to venture inside for provisions, instead I headed off up the long steep stony lane towards the notorious trig point.  The trig point is the part of the course where runners leave the South Downs Way and head down into Eastbourne for the finish and has obviously caused a few runners navigational problems in the past.

On the long climb out of Jevington I was joined by another male runner who I had been chasing all day, he had evidently stopped at the check point allowing me to pass him momentarily.  As he caught me again we climbed the hill together, we chatted about our adventures, sharing stories of injuries woes and our future racing plans.  I am always in awe of other people’s running and racing stories, no two stories are ever the same, but there is always something in every tale we can easily relate to.

Just before the top, Drew Sheffield from the Centurion Team ran down towards us, he was full of support and a little bit of cheekiness.  I must have looked dreadful as he told me that when he sees the next lady he promised to tell her how fresh I was looking, then he promptly smirked!

That trig point was a sweet sight.  All that was left to do was a technical chalky descent to Eastbourne and then a couple of miles of road to the finish.  I managed to just get ahead of the chap on the descent by going on the low path as he opted for the high one.  However, by picking my way cautiously down the narrow gulley on my tip toes, my left calf had started to seriously cramp up.  I tell you now that after 47 fricking miles nursing my blooming hamstring, with the finishing line nearly in sight, there was no way on this planet I was going to quit with a bloody cramping calf.  Doing my best line-dance performance I slammed my heel into the ground a few times which thankfully appeared to do the trick.

Those final few miles along the road and tarmac bike path seemed to go on forever and ever.  Although I had heavy legs, sore feet, aching muscles, bad chaffing and some sunburn to add to the mix there was nothing that could stop me.  I had managed to nurse my niggle all that way, so I was full of will and determination to keep going to the very end.

When finally, the athletics ground came into sight, I think I let out an incredibly loud sigh of relief and did a little fist pump.  Then with one very slow 400m lap of the athletics track, I finally crossed the finish line in 7 hours 40 minutes and 22 seconds.

The final lap of the track…where 400 metres feels more like a mile.

What a moment it was to have my medal hung round my neck by the true running star Mimi Anderson and to have a huge trophy presented by James.  It was then I truly believed that I had triumphed….not just in winning the race, but I had triumphed in overcoming the negative thoughts that had blighted me and could have so easily lead to a very different outcome.

I realised how powerful the effect of that poem had been on me….

Whether a triumph or disaster, every situation is something I can learn from and I will seek to treat them both the same.

As for today, well today I learnt just how powerful my mind can be and just what I can really be capable of.